The first book in a series of Sports Playbooks... "There's Lipstick on My..."

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Are you there, God? It's me, Hormonal Hannah.

Photo Credit: Steven Fortescue / Wikimedia Commons

As part of my Catholic upbringing, I was often told by the nuns to Offer It Up. For those who are not familiar with this term; it means to offer your suffering to God as a sacrifice. This can be done with small annoyances or large issues. 

So, I got to thinking...What if we could turn Hormonal Hannah into a positive experience? What if we applied the offer it up theory to menopause? It just might work. Therefore, I decided to "offer up" my insomnia to compile a list of humorous offerings for the friends of my blog who suffer from menopause, and for those who will venture down this path soon enough. 

The Offer It Up List

1) Offer up your night sweats and be thankful for the well stocked garage full of ShamWows.

2) Offer up hot flashes with the knowledge that there's a young mother trying to control a two year old, in the midst of a temper tantrum.

3) Offer up irregular periods and appreciate the person who invented duct tape. It's the quick fix for those unexpected leaky pipes. Measure. Cut. Affix. GO!

4) Offer up vaginal dryness. Boost the economy, buy WD-40 !

5) Offer up fatigue and welcome the opportunity to use "Act of God" on your insurance claim--falling asleep while cooking is beyond your control.

6) Offer up your weight gain. It's time to accept those extra 20 pounds. It's time to stop blaming that ONE cookie for your size 8 ass not fitting into your size 2 jeans.

7) Offer up heavy bleeding and thank your third grade science teacher, "If it bleeds, it feeds." This justifies at least three trips to the "all you can eat" buffet line.

8) Offer up mood swings and thank a lawyer. You'll deny your actions, and he'll swear to it.

9) Offer up hair loss as a way of going "green". Less chemicals will be used to dye your hair.

10) Offer up incontinence--you know when to deliver the punch line to a joke--within 5 steps of a bathroom.

11) Offer up memory loss since 50 is the new 40, or maybe it is the new 30?!?

12) Offer up dizziness and alert your doctor that you finally took his advice and started a new exercise regimen--a midlife spin class.

13) Offer up loss of libido, but welcome the chance to become a platinum card member of the Romance Novel Club.

14) Offer up insomnia--you now have documented proof that "a WATCHED pot does boil."

15) Offer up headaches with a sigh of relief. Those Saturday night "white lie" headaches are REAL!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Tape it up...

...and get back on the ice!

A great game by the Philadelphia Flyers on Monday, January 12, 2015! 

If they would have started the season as strong as they played last night...

#FLYGUYS #TheOrangeAndTheBlack #ICE

Tape it up and get back on the ice.

*photo credit from Wikimedia commons; Santeri Viinamäki